I am and always will be, the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes. The dreamer of improbable dreams.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

College Girl Year 2

  What a hot minute it has been! I have missed you all since March and I'm ready to connect with you beautiful babes again. Since we last spoke I completed my first year of college, moved back home for the summer, worked like a mad person and moved back for my second year. Man, I am a busy bee these days! Hence the lack of posts.
 So, what have I been up too? Doing adult things mostly. The kind that requires cooking, cleaning and  shopping. You know, the boring stuff. I have been able to have some fun weekends here and there, getting my groove on and such. I know, not very interesting huh? College changes you, my friends. Anyways, here are some pictures I have collected over the course of this year.

Happy Tuesday!


 


















Until Next Time,
Madison 
XOXO

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

iPhone Dump

Hello my dear readers, and welcome to my biggest iPhone dump yet. I know, my continued absence has caused quite a stir, but haven't you noticed?! We have been re-branded! I, along with my "blogosphere" pals, are working up something very nice for you all... A nice, thank-you-for-waiting sort of thing.
 Anyways, throughout my college escapade, I have accumulated a pretty healthy picture library. Sorority girls got me on this one. I post on my Instagram pretty frequently but not all pictures make the cut, but I would still love to show you my goings on, if you will. Happy almost spring break and may the midterm grades be every in your favor!


Selfie at the Grand Canyon 
The infamous "smile"
Caught actually playing with Bayla, that was said would never happen. 
Getting to hold two babies at once!

One try at Top Golf and now I'm basically a expert.
Broke my glasses.
50's themed casino night 
Everyone in the Kollenborn household celebrated my birthday 


Until Next Time,
Madison
XOXO

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Mental Health Week: Day 3

 To start things off, I chose not to post yesterday to kinda give everyone a breather and some reflection time. Momma Mad Dog is looking out for you, you know. 

 Today I would like to talk about depression. Something that most have all gone through at one point in their life. If not handled right, the results could lead to very dangerous actions. This is very important to talk about because depression comes in many shapes and forms; many that people need help with. 
 When I was younger, I would hate clouds and rainy days because it would make sad. That was my earliest forms of depression, but it was never a problem until middle school/junior high. I had a really tough time with friends and drama during those years and was upset a lot. I started to notice that when I was sad or upset, it wouldn't go away like it use to. It would haunt me for most of the day. Soon, I was having a hard time getting out of bed and there was rarely a day where I wasn't so sad. I cried a lot and was really struggling to keep my head above water. It was like empending doom everyday for years. I thought this was it and I was going to die sad and alone. It was like a cloud was over my head and I just couldn't make it go away. That's when I first decided to seek help and went to a therapist who recommended counseling and medication. I was in such a deep dark place I thought it wouldn't help but a month or so I was finally starting to feel better. I could hop right out bed and go the whole day with a happy attitude. 
 I thank God that I asked for help when I did because I don't know where I would've ended up, but it probably wouldn't have been good. It brought me back to life and helped me fight off the bad thoughts and learn how to control my feelings. I became my own person, not someone who was leashed to sadness.
 Depression is different for everyone and unique struggles come with it. If I could tell you just one thing that I learned it would be this: it will get better. I hated myself and what I had become and thought I would forever feel this way. I was proved so very wrong. It may be quite a struggle but everyone deserves a happy life and a happy life is what you shall have. 





Until Next Time,
Madison 
XOXO


Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Mental Health Week: Day 2

 Following yesterday's post, I would like to continue this segment with a discussion about anxiety. Let's just jump right into it, shall we? 
 I'm not going to give you a textbook definition of what anxiety "really is" because if I'm going to be honest, there is no one definition. It is different for each person. For me, anxiety is very debilitating. It feels like what I would imagine death would feel like. A little dramatic I know, but it's what I think. 
 I have had anxiety my whole life and I can remember back to preschool age when I would get a panic attack going threw a canyon to get to my town. I remember at age four having to breathe into a paper bag because I was hyperventilating myself. I'm pretty sure I was commiting extreme truancy in elementary school because my anxiety was out of control. Thus being said, I'm pretty experienced in the realm of anxiety.
 I want people to know that it isn't just a word, its something that people struggle with every day and shouldn't be taken lightly. I believe people should educate themselves and open up to talk about what they are going through. 
 There is a happy life with anxiety. I found mine when I finally was regularly talking with my counselor and my family about what I was feeling. They stood by me and helped through some of the worst times in my life and I owe everything I have to them. Although, help only comes when you finally decide to help yourself and realize that you are truly worth it. Help doesn't come from just medical professionals or pills but from God as well. Sometimes it's hard to go to Him when you are in such a low place but what I found to be very true is that God is with you when you're at that low place and is willing to listen to your prayers and guide you through your journey. At times, God will be the only one for you and worshipping him has made me feel 100xs better mentally and physically. 
 Anxiety sucks. It has thrown me down and kept me there. It watched me struggle and cry for help. The thing is, you can beat this and so can I. Don't be like me and wait for the help, but instead help yourself. Know that there is another side and it's beautiful to be at. Life does go on, so let's kick and fight to beat this because we are all worth it. 






Until Next Time, 
Madison 
XOXO



Monday, December 7, 2015

Mental Health Week: Day 1

Hello my beloved readers, my, how long it has been! College, and basically adult life has been keeping me on my toes and fairly busy. Hopefully all will be worth it when I get my "white coat"!

 The meaning of this week is very important to me and near to my heart. As of late, I have been struggling and I mean really struggling with emtions and everything that has come with university. I feel like I God purposely put this week at this time to really ground me and show me that I am never alone in what I, or others go threw on a daily basis.

 Mental Health Week is this week, and the social media group/company, BuzzFeed, had been doing a fantastic job at really bringing the truth to mental health struggles. This weekend I had a lot of time on my hands to kind of take my time on media and I found threw BuzzFeed's posts that this week was coming up. Now, as a little preface, as of late I have been drowning in depression and anxiety and have not been able to shake it. The whole reason for such a drastic relapse is another story in it's own.  I thouroghly watched all of the videos and testimonials that BuzzFeed had posted. Many of them brought me to tears, the type where you throw your head back and wale type-of-thing. It was so real, so raw and at the perfect moment in my life for me where it made me realize that I was not okay and agian, needed to ask for help.
 It is not an illness nor something for anyone to put a label on. Mental health should not be said as "mental illness" because you are not sick. It is simply a chemical imbalance in the brain, or a strong emotion that needs to be worked with. The label "illness" made me very uncomfortable to open up to people and talk about what I struggle with because people take it so very negativley. The honest truth is that we are all humans, and all humans cry. Some, just cry a little differently.
 I believe that we should all talk about it and make it known that it isn't just you that feels depressed. Millions of other people feel it too. You are never alone. The more we talk about it, the better I feel and the better other people that I have known have felt. Opening your heart and talking about what makes you sad or anxious is, at sometimes, just as good as medication. Speaking with others helps you realize what you may need to work on from another perscpective. One great option is therapy.
 Therapy has completely changed my life and helped me do a 360. Someone that isn't baised or objective is a great person to go to. Their judgement isn't clouded by biased information or the care that they have for you. They really want to help you and show you how to help yourself. Since leaving California, I had seased with counsiling or anything of that sort and I noticed a big difference and that I was really negatively questioning myself. I thank the Lord for if he hadn't lead me to the videos I watched this weekend, I wouldn't have said, "enough is enough" or "you are worth it". Being depressed is debilitating and scary. Being scared of yourself is the worst thing to feel when you are vulnerable.

 This week is an important one. One that I will recongnize. One that this blog will show. Through out this week, I want all of you, dear readers, to educate yourself about mental health. I want you to look to the Lord and finally realize that the feelings will go away. I want you to look to Him and search for who you are. I want you to talk about your feelings or search for help. I want you to send me emails of your story. Lastly, I want you to love yourself, no matter what your brain says. God loves you, you are not alone and mental health can be a positive thing. Things will get better.






Until Next Time,
Madison
XOXO

Thursday, September 17, 2015

College as of Late

 I haven't blogged since March! Wwwhhhaaattt?! I know, I have been busy with adult stuff; trying to act like I know what I'm doing. Being adultish is hard, ya know? 
 Anyways, I packed up my piece of home and hauled my little self all the way over to Arizona! I moved into my dorm at Grand Canyon University with five other girls and started classes the next week! My roomies are such a dream and absolutely adore them! 
 I'm currently studying to achieve my bachelor in biology with an emphasis in pre med. Classes are going well and I'm making so many new friends! I am, however, melting in this AZ heat! Oh my!
 I flew home the first chance I got and soaked in the non-hellish weather and snuggled my pup! 
 I'm now on my fifth week here and I'm still trying to adjust, but over all doing pretty good! A dorm tour is coming I promise but I have to clean up the reoccurring mess I make on a daily basis. 
 More blogs to follow my dear readers!

Teaching my papa how to FaceTime

I usually get daily pictures of my pup


My fam support GCU all the way from Cali 

My roomies from left to right: Marisa, Afton, Ashleigh, me, Carrissa, and our RA Cloe

Breakfast in thunder ally

AZ has a cupcake atm that is open 24/7! 

We all went shopping and I got to play dress up in a gorgeous wedding dress


A roomie outing!



Until Next Time,
Madison
XOXO