I am and always will be, the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes. The dreamer of improbable dreams.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Let's Talk About the Hard Stuff

 I can't count how many times I have wanted to write about this. I feel like the only way I can get my point across, or to get the all the stuff off my chest is I need is to do what I do best. Talk, and type. So here it goes.

 Fall season is the breakup season it seems like. Today I was talking with a friend about boys, break ups and how to cope. Something I rarely speak about to anyone, and it suddenly hit me that the more I talked, slowly but surely, I found I could breathe a lot easier. I felt better and happier than I have been for weeks now. It made the lump in my throat smaller, and tears easier to stop.
 If anyone of you is like "what the heck is she talking about?!" let me explain. I am now single. After a rocky few weeks of "taking a break" my boyfriend and I called it quits a month and a half from our one year mark. Usually, I wouldn't really react to a situation like this and I would go on with my life and know there are better fish in the sea, but that's certainly didn't happen. Going into this relationship I closely guarded myself and took my time. We were best friends, we understood each other, and got to know each others families. There was not a moment where we didn't talk. But this good thing did come to a end. A very sudden crushing end.
 First off I tried to throw myself back into life without someone else but it sucked. Then came the stage where I had to hide the things that reminded me away. I cried in the car multiple times when I was alone and left to think. I felt betrayed, alone, and very very hurt. In the breakup it wasn't anybody's fault, it's what we "thought" was best for us, which in the end I would beg to differ. I blamed him, I blamed myself, I blamed timing, I blamed my dumb decisions, I blamed karma and sins, and just about everything I could settle on.
 I have no one to blame now, but I am angry. People cautioned me on writing this, but I want girls to know that we all go threw this crap and that I'm a human and I'm looking for a way to feel myself. I don't care if he is reading this, and if he is then thanks for making my view number go up. I have so much more I want to say, but I have things to get back to and a doggy to snuggle with.
 To my friend: sweets, I'll cry with you anytime you want. I hope you get through this.

Until Next Time,
Madison
XOXO